How to Handle a Difficult Roommate

Anyone that has lived in a college residence has ultimately had to deal with a difficult roommate. Even if you haven’t, there’s a good chance you’ve heard the horror stories of roommates locking each other out, stealing each other’s belongings, or bickering before bed.

Don’t end up like one of these stories. Here’s a guide for tactfully dealing with a difficult roommate.

1. Create an agreement early on

You don’t need a physical written contract, but you do need to assign ground rules. Who will do the dishes when they’re dirty? Who will get groceries? Is there a policy for playing music while others are studying or doing homework? It’s important to come to an agreement early on, instead of procrastinating and then arguing later.

2. Stay objective

In any situation, try to remove yourself from the problem so you can look at it objectively. When you take things personally, your mind is clouded, and you’re only focused on attacking the other person (in this case, your roommate). If any problem were to arise, approach it as you would a lawyer or a detective: focus on the facts.

3. Spot early signs

Roommates don’t just flip out at any given moment (most of the time). Many will exhibit signs leading up to a potential major conflict, so it’s important to keep an eye out. These may include not doing their share of chores, passive aggressive remarks, or just general apathy or disrespect. Don’t let these go. Address them as soon as possible.

 4. Confront directly

Don’t hide behind an RA or a friend. Don’t send text messages or voicemails explaining your issue. Instead, seat your roommate down when they aren’t busy, and be honest about the situation. If something they do is making you unhappy, let them know. Many times we aren’t even aware of what we do wrong, so being direct with your roommate could help open their eyes.

5. Consult help

If the steps above have been ineffective for mitigating conflict, you’ll need to get outside help to mediate the conversation. You may want an RA’s advice on how to handle the situation, or a mutual friend’s opinion. Finally, if you cannot resolve the issue amicably within a few months, it may be time to ask for a transfer to a different dorm or apartment, or even look into other student apartments for rent so you can live on your own.

Living with a roommate can be an incredible experience, or it can be exhausting. At times, the pressure of simply living so closely with other students can spark disagreements. Check out some off-campus student housing to find a new environment for you and your roommate, if needed.